I’ve been reading a lot lately about generational wealth transfer, and as someone in my late 30s, it makes me think about how differently my friends and I approach financial independence. Some of my friends still have their parents paying their rent because they “need” to live in a two-bedroom place they can’t afford on their own. Others rely on things like a family cell phone plan because it’s cheaper, or they get their parents to pay for expensive trips they otherwise couldn’t afford.

My situation is quite different. I left home at 17, put myself through college, and the most I ever got from my parents was some birthday money. My mom once paid for a one-week holiday and covered expenses when she and my sister visited me in Guatemala. When I’m in Paris, I stay with her for a couple of weeks each year, and she feeds me without charging rent.

My mom is a primary school teacher who also does a lot of private tutoring to save for her retirement. She stopped working for 15 years to raise my sister and me, so she’s very careful with her money. She occasionally asks if I need financial help, like buying a new laptop or flight tickets, but I always decline because I can’t accept money she worked so hard for, especially since I don’t need it. However, she has lent me money several times for investment opportunities, which I’ve always repaid with 4% interest, better than the 1.5% she gets from her savings account.

One area where I feel conflicted is knowing that when she passes, a significant portion of her money will be heavily taxed by the French government. I’d rather enjoy some of that money now in a tax-free manner than give half of it to the state later.

Does having wealthy parents change things? I suppose the guilt might lessen if it doesn’t take much effort or a large percentage of their wealth for them to help you out.

Often, the downside of accepting money from parents is having to spend more time with them, like how the characters in Gilmore Girls had to have weekly dinners with their grandparents to get college tuition paid. This dynamic can make you feel like a beggar rather than an equal, and I’ve seen parents give their adult children money every time they visit. Are you visiting because you enjoy their company or because you need the cash?

Parents, in my view, aren’t doing their kids any favors by financially supporting a lifestyle they can’t afford on their own. This can lead to children never feeling the need to earn enough to sustain that lifestyle themselves, making them lazy and entitled.

My grandparents didn’t give us cash, but they treated the whole family to a nice vacation every year. These memories are way more valuable to me than any inheritance would be. When we visited, there was always good food and wine, but the only financial support they ever provided was for education—no down payments or cars. They believed that with a good education, you were set for life.

For me, financing luxuries or receiving monthly support to maintain an inflated lifestyle is a big no. However, considering the tax benefits of passing on wealth while parents are still alive, I’d be open to accepting things like a down payment for a house, contributions to my kids’ college fund, or a stock portfolio. Not money to spend frivolously, but investments that would otherwise be heavily taxed after their passing. I hope my mom uses all her savings, leaving nothing behind except the memories and health expenses my sister and I can cover in her final years.

I also think it’s nice if parents can help you buy a home when you’re young, creating memories in the same house over the years, rather than having to move every time your family grows.

What are your thoughts? Are you a young adult still relying on financial support from your parents? Where do you draw the line between being spoiled and being assisted?